Reputations
by SaturnineSunshine
Summary: Based off the episode of Kings. Has the potential to become more than a one shot. Review if you like it. Chuck has insecurities but he is madly in love with Blair. Re-uploaded just because.
1. Illusions

**A/N**: I was watching _Kings_ tonight and to begin with, the whole monarchy just reminds me of Gossip Girl. Jack Benjiman especially reminds me of Chuck. So I wrote this fanfic which is based on the scenes that happened between Jack and this "Joseph" that has suddenly appeared. I have to admit, I like him even though he was only in like two scenes. I hope he's not just a plot device and comes back. ANYWAY, back to GG. This will probably become a multi fic if they continue that story line of Kings, because I'm totally stealing this idea from them so... sorry, but I just had this compulsion to write it. If you like it, I will continue it. Sorry if it seems a little rushed but I'll probably continue this.

**Disclaimer**: All rights go to the respective artists of _Gossip Girl_ and _Kings_.

* * *

"I didn't think you'd be here tonight." Chuck didn't have to turn to know who that angelic voice belonged to. But when he did turn, he let a snide expression cross is face. He couldn't let her know.

"What are you doing here?" he snapped. Blair just studied his face for a moment. She didn't answer.

"I didn't think you'd show," she said instead. She took in his livid glare. For once he wished that it was how it used to be. It used to be so easy to push her away. It used to be so easy to make her believe that he didn't love her. "I get it," she said. "But you're alone tonight. There aren't paparazzi following you around. We can…"

"No," he growled at her. "I didn't call you. I don't want to see you. Take the hint." Blair's eyes narrowed at him. His cruel words couldn't faze her anymore. She couldn't leave him now.

"I miss you," she said instead, softly.

"When will you get it through your head what this is? What are you going to do, tell me how much you love me again?" he asked maliciously. He had said it before and it seemed to have worked. But he wasn't so sure that it wouldn't anymore. And he just he couldn't let her in. "Well, fine," he spat. "If you won't leave, I will."

Chuck spun around and went in the opposite direction, trying to blot out thoughts of guilt. Trying to blot out feelings of love that shouldn't be there. He made sure that she saw him with the women in that club as he left her in the dust.

* * *

She still found him. Even after he went to great lengths to remove himself from that club to go to a darker and even more sinister one, she still found him.

He knew she had seen him with his long lines of hoes but somehow, she just didn't seem to care like she used to. Even in his self destructive downward spirals, he could actually make her hate him. He could get with as many women as he wanted and she would bail.

It had been so long since then. He knew those sort of things didn't seem to get to her as they used to. He wondered if he had changed as much as she had. He was still insecure about himself. He still was worried that his reputation as a womanizer was being jeopardized because of her.

Not even because of her, but because of his love for her. It wasn't her fault. None is this was. It was completely all about him. He had fallen in love and he had actually admitted it to himself.

But being in charge of Bass Industries meant he had to project a certain image of himself. He still had to remain presentable. But he still wanted her. He still loved her. He couldn't even think about letting her go. He couldn't bear it. So he kept her as his dirty little secret and she let him.

She knew exactly what he was doing to her and he wondered why she allowed it. It couldn't be because she loved him too. Wouldn't she care enough to tell him that she couldn't live like that? But they were the same.

He had known that they were for a long time and she was just beginning to realize it. So maybe the real reason was that she couldn't bear to let him go either. Even though he was treating her the exact opposite she should be.

She deserved better. She deserved someone who could show her off to others like the queen she was. But that wasn't him. Sometimes he wished that he could just cut himself off completely from her. Maybe it would end all of this agony. But he knew it would be far more painful to let her go at all. He would rather this pain than the pain of never seeing her again, or worse, seeing her with someone else.

"Chuck." He lost it. He couldn't have her here. She couldn't be here. She was jeopardizing everything, including her own reputation.

"I told you to stay out," he snarled, whirling to face her and gripping her by the shoulders. He couldn't think of a better response. She didn't back down. She never did. They were the same in that respect. They were the same in every respect. She just gave him a composed and cool gaze. He wished he still had the capacity to hurt her, but he just didn't.

"Say whatever you think you need to," she said simply. Chuck didn't back down either. He just stayed where he was, clutching her in unadulterated anger. He hated her for getting to him like this. He hated her for not hating him. He hated her for making him love her.

"You don't know anything," he spat, shoving her away.

"I love you," she said calmly, like she did it every day. They used to stray away from that simple phrase. The only time they said it was in secret, safe in the warmth of each other's arms, where no one could get to them.

That was it. Chuck couldn't let that stand. This was in public. He couldn't hear how she loved him. He couldn't hear something that made him human.

He grasped Blair's upper arm tightly and pulled her along. She kept up with him easily, walking with him. He led her straight to the bouncer.

She looked at him with those wide, doe eyes of her. She understood. She didn't need a bouncer to escort her out. She understood how he needed to push here away. He hated himself even more for that. She should hate him. She should curse his name and want to socially destroy him. But she just didn't.

Blair shrugged off the heavy hands of the bouncer and escorted her out. Chuck couldn't help but walk behind her to the curtained door as she walked out.

She turned to him as she reached the sidewalk. Her face was so understanding at made him want to retch.

More importantly, it made Chuck want to drink heavily and sleep with any woman. Which he did. It made him want to sleep with as many women as it took to convince himself that he didn't want her anymore. He used to be able to face her and lie straight to her face and get her to cry. It just didn't seem to work anymore.

* * *

Chuck stared out at his city as the sun began to rise. He was vaguely aware of the faceless women still lying in his bed. He didn't care about them. He didn't care about anything except seeing her again. He hadn't been with her in so long and he was sure it was taking a toll on him.

He felt the presence of one of… _them_. One of the women he used for recreational use. He used to be so absorbed in the alcohol and drugs that he couldn't even tell if it was her or not. It never was. He couldn't even fool himself.

However many times Chuck slept with them, it just got worse and worse. It used to make him feel better about himself. it used to make him forget about her for how short amount of time. Now all he could think about was her.

Chuck felt lips press against his bare shoulder as he stared out across New York.

"It's okay," she said. It wasn't Blair. It never was, anymore. This nameless woman didn't know anything about him. She didn't know the insecurities he felt over the lack of paternal love.

She didn't know how he blamed himself for both of his parents' deaths. She didn't know how to comfort him while his whole world was falling apart.

"Don't worry," she said. "You still have me." She had no idea what was bothering him. She only knew the script to use when she was in the presence of Chuck Bass.

"Get out," he said through clenched teeth. He was trying to reign in his hatred, and most of all, self loathing.

"What?" she asked surprised. He finally snapped.

"Get out!" he yelled. He wished he could just forget his one and only. It seemed the only solution. But he would surely die if he did.


	2. Stars

**A/N**: So this is the next part of following the SL of Jack and Jacob on _Kings_. I missed this episode and just watched it last night. Its a little rushed, but it showed more of David and Michelle than Jack. It shows how Chuck can only be himself for a short time. I hope its not too disappointing.

**Summary**: He couldn't let her see him like that. Vulnerable. There was no doubt in his mind that if she saw it, she could somehow with her amazing powers convince him to stay. Make him believe that he would die if he left her.

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine. All rights go to Gossip Girl and Kings.

* * *

Chuck never really had time to look at the stars. He was too busy inheriting an empire. He was too busy parading women in front of cameras so his reputation as the Upper East Side Prince was still intact. And it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to him and it sure as hell wasn't fair to _her_.

Tonight however, he would have plenty of time to look at the stars. No more galas or events tonight. Tonight was different. Blackouts weren't frequent here. Everyone in the community liked to pretend the Upper East Side was superior. Things just didn't happen there. But in reality, more happened. More over doses. More sex scandals. More drinking, partying, and orgies.

Love wasn't accepted. Money married bigger money and Chuck couldn't be seen acting out of character with her. Because she was just like him. Being seen with her scared people. She scared people because she wasn't like everyone else. She was headstrong and powerful. She was beautiful. And someone who naturally held attention and power like that was not to be trifled with.

Maybe that was why Chuck let himself fall so hard and so fast. And it didn't makes any sense that he let people tell him what to do. Chuck Bass didn't do that. But he couldn't listen to his father. He had to listen to his advisors. He didn't want to disrespect his father's memory. When it came down to it, he wanted to obey his father's lasting image more than cave to his new feelings.

Tonight wasn't like any other night because Chuck was going to look at the stars. In the middle of the event thrown for him, he was going outside. Tonight wasn't like any other night. It was like a calling. They were beautiful. And so was she.

He walked into the darkness. People on the streets held candles and only the harsh angles of his face were seen.

"You're him." chuck turned to see a woman leaning against a building. "Chuck Bass."

"Are you going to make a big deal out of it?"

He still wasn't used to meeting people who weren't on the inside of the Upper East Side. People who were amazed at his celebrity.

"No," she said simply. "Because you're not him tonight."

"What?" Chuck asked, intrigued.

"Look around," she told him. "You can be anyone you want. No one's looking."

That was true. He didn't have to be bound by rules and propriety. He could just be Chuck. Normal Chuck was walking around like everyone else in the middle of the blackout. Just Chuck who was deeply in love with just Blair. Just a girl like any other. Even if she was different. Even if she was better. Even if she was perfect.

Because she was. Her features illuminated only by the moonlight, sitting on the stoop in front of her penthouse. She was just taking in the sights as if she had never seen her own street before. She was everything.

"Blair."

She started at the sound of his familiar voice. She rose to meet him.

"I'm not going to fight you tonight," she told him straightforward. Good. He didn't want to fight either.

She was someone else too. Her hard outer shell was gone. She wasn't pretending that the things he said, the things he did didn't hurt her. But she didn't want him to hurt her either. He didn't want to hurt her.

Chuck closed the distance slowly between them. He held her face gently between his hands and kissed her. He pulled away slowly. She wasn't responding. He took her hand.

"The lights are down," he whispered softly.

"I see that," she said. Her voice was like music. He had missed it. He was certain she would pull away. But that wasn't her, was it? She let him pull her along. She let him be with her.

* * *

Chuck pushed her against her dresser in the dark. It wasn't that different for them. They were always in the dark. Chuck could find her in the dark. He knew every inch of her and he knew how to find it with his eyes closed.

He could feel the resistance in the tension of her body. She knew it was coming. She could give into him and she would. But after that, nothing really would have changed. Their time together would be fleeting. But being with each other for such a short time was still worth the pain. It was better than never seeing each other again.

Her breaths came quick and hot against his chest. There was nothing like it. Even after all those women, there was nothing like it. It was incomparable. She knew him better than anyone and he could feel it.

It was still dark when she cried out and groaned loudly into her neck. He was glad. It meant he wouldn't have to leave that very moment. He didn't move from on top of her. He just pushed her hair away and held her close.

"What are you doing?" Blair asked at the foreign action.

"What do you think I'm doing?"

"I don't know," Blair said honestly. "You've taken me by surprise."

"Don't I always?" Chuck let himself a small moment of smugness.

"You hold yourself in too high regard," she told him shortly.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked, nuzzling her neck.

"I said I didn't know what you were doing," she responded. "I didn't say that I didn't like it."

So he continued to hold her. Because she liked it.

"You're leaving," she said in disappointment as the lights finally flickered on.

"The lights are on," he informed her, pulling his discarded shirt back over himself.

"I see that," she repeated. She wasn't happy. He could hear it in her voice. He wasn't happy either. He never relished leaving her. But there came a point where he had to be responsible. That didn't make him happy either.

"I just need to know something," she said quietly. "Was that real for you? Am I... just one of them? One of those disposables? Or is this real for you... like it is for me?"

Chuck stared at his reflection while getting ready, his back to her on her bed. He couldn't let her see him like that. Vulnerable. There was no doubt in his mind that if she saw it, she could somehow with her amazing powers convince him to stay. Make him believe that he would die if he left her. Because that was how it felt every time he turned his back to her.

When he blinked back the powerful emotion that was clouding his eyes, he allowed himself to turn, to mask his feelings from her. Just looking into those deep, hypnotizing eyes of hers, he knew she didn't believe it for one second. He could never keep anything from her. That's what made her different.

"You," he said strongly, "are the only real thing I have ever touched."

He couldn't see the stars when he walked back out. The lights shone from expensive buildings as he walked away from her. He wished he could see the stars. Because he was walking away from the brightest one. Again.


	3. Truths

**A/N**: So this is continuing the Kings SL. If you've seen this episode, a ton of dialogue is obviously taken from it, just because it was so good. So pretty much all dialogue is taken from that. So... this fic could end after this chapter, or, I could take some other ideas I have and go in a radically different direction than Kings was going (that I know of.) If I'm ending this fic, I'll just have en epilogue after this. If people want it to go on, then I"ll do that. It was a really good plot device and an awesome line from Jack Bejimen, so I borrrowed the character Thomasina just for that. I am really apprehensive about releasing this because its really not by best work, but give it your best shot.

**Summary**:"I cut her out of my heart," Chuck said with melancholy. "That was what my father would have wanted so I did it. She never would have hurt me. She actually _cared_, and yet I listened to you and I destroyed her."

**Disclaimer**: Nothing belongs to me. Characters and likeness belongs to Gossip Girl. Story lines and dialogue comes completely from Kings.

* * *

_I need you to know that behind the lie, I see you. For who you really are. And I love you. And I know you love me. And I think that everyone should know it. No more hiding, Jack. You're too brave to be such a coward. You deserve to be who you really are._

_-Joseph_

_--Kings_

* * *

Letters were a hard thing to write. Blair knew this. She didn't know if he would even read it or burn it. She didn't know anything anymore except what she had to do. It was the only way. So she sent the heartbreaking letter to him, in hopes that he would believe her.

* * *

"And what in the hell is this, Charles?"

Chuck didn't like that tone. It wasn't the tone of disappointment itself, it was that some stupid advisor would deign to take that tone with him. He hadn't heard that tone since his father. And no one could speak to him like that except his father.

"You tell me," Chuck said dryly, looking skeptically at the letter. No one sent him letters. No one would ever conceive of sending him a letter. No one except...

Damn.

"How did you get this?" Chuck asked after drinking in every deathly beautiful word.

"Intercepted," he replied.

"Who?"

His advisor sighed. "Thomasina. Good thing it was brought to my attention."

Thomasina. Damn that woman. Just because his father hired her she thought she could meddle.

"Why?"

"Because they are obvious lies, Chuck. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Of course," Chuck said unsteadily.

"Did you know her?"

"Not well," Chuck said, his mask in place.

"Right," he nodded. "Someone just obsessed with you, convinced that you loved her. This... ill woman just wants to drag you down."

"I could talk to her," Chuck suggested. He wanted nothing more than to speak to her after everything that was in the letter.

"No, no," his advisor waved it off. "Not possible."

"I'm sure we could work something--"

"She's dead, Chuck," he said blandly.

Chuck's heart stopped. He couldn't breathe.

God, he couldn't breathe.

Dead didn't make any sense. She was too strong to be dead. She put up with him. She had the fieriest temper he had ever encountered. It matched his own. She could see through all his lies. It wasn't in her to just die on him. She wouldn't leave him. She couldn't.

"She committed suicide."

He was still talking, and Chuck was dying. If only it were for real this time.

* * *

Chuck started at the tapping on the tinted window of his limousine. He eased the window down so it only revealed his cold, hard eyes.

"Her funeral is about to begin," the reverend said helpfully.

Chuck just started ahead. If he didn't believe that she was truly gone, then she couldn't be... could she?

"It's an open service," he prodded. "All are welcome."

Chuck just eased the window back up again, blocking out every hateful feeling in his body. Someone had to pay for this. But if this was what she wanted, then how could he?

It was raining. She always loved the rain. There was an uncertainty that she could connect with. And he could connect with her. Chuck stepped out, decked in his sober clothing as he felt the rain drench to his bones. His evil bones.

The euology was delivered by her mother. Someone who didn't love her at all. He knew this. He knew that he knew Blair Waldorf better than anyone.

She was fiery and passionate. Her wit was biting and he hurt her the most. And she loved him most of all. It hurt. She would always tell him the truth and all he gave her was an early grave.

_"Well, well." Her beautiful lips turned into an attractive sneer. "Look who has decided to grace me with his presence."_

_"Can I come in?"_

_"You're Chuck Bass," she mocked his drawl. "Can't you do anything?"_

_"Fine," he sighed, but secretly loved the way that only she would give him a hard time. "Do you want me to be here, or should I leave?"_

_"What the hell?" Blair sighed, standing aside so he could enter. "Its not like I have anything better to do."_

_"Glad to hear it," he replied, stepping in._

_"You're not supposed to be here," she said warningly, leaving him in the foyer as she walked towards the kitchen._

_"Says who?" he asked, following her._

_"Me," she said bluntly. "Remember that last confrontation we had? I broke a vase throwing it at your head."_

_"Lucky me you have terrible aim."_

_"You can't keep doing this," Blair said in defeat. "You can't get everything you want just because you want it."_

_"But I want you," Chuck said, leaning in._

_"Not for long, you won't," she replied. "I'm just a prize."_

_"We've already slept together, Waldorf," he reminded her. "And I have no intention of backing off."_

_"When you inherit your business, that will be a different story," she said. "You're Chuck Bass and I scare people. You know I do. You won't want people to think that I'm influencing you."_

_"I don't really care what other people think."_

_"That's a lie."_

_"Maybe," Chuck said admittitedly. "But maybe its worth it."_

_"Doubtful," she said lowly. "And if you came to just get me into bed and split, you have another thing coming."_

_"What if I stay?"_

_"And if I let you stay, what would be in it for me?" Blair asked playfully._

_Chuck couldn't rein in his laughter._

_"I thought my mere presence would be your reward for keeping me."_

_"Your ego knows no bounds," she sighed lightly. She let him kiss her anyway as they did the familiar footwork that led down the path they knew so well._

_..._

_"Why do you think I let you say here?" she asked with loss of breath when the sheets finally stilled._

_"I thought we went over this," he said, just as breathlessly. She was a minx._

_"Well, I was going to tell you the real reason," she offered._

_"Do tell," he smirked._

_"I was just wondering why you spend your time with people who don't even know you."_

_"Really?"_

_"Not the real you, anyway."_

_"And you do?" Chuck asked, raising his eyebrows._

_"The real you," she said. "I see behind the lie. You're not some cold, heartless bastard. Well, you are. But there's more than that. You understand me. And I love... that," she finished, well aware of his insecurities about love._

_"I'll tell you the truth," he said huskily. "No one is as painfully honest as you are to me."_

_"Then you're a masochist," Blair said simply. "And I know you won't say it back."_

_"Understandable," he nodded. "But even I won't, it doens't make it any less true."_

_"Maybe," she said. "But that doesn't answer the question as to why you associate with those people who are just using you."_

_"I have to act a certain way or I won't be accepted."_

_"You don't have to," she said softly. "I accept you for who you are. You're too brave to be such a coward."_

_He grasped her wrist suddenly, almost painfully. But she never shrank away. She never did and she never would._

_"You deserve to be who you really are. I thought that was why you were with me," she replied snarkily. "Because of my honesty."_

_"I didn't say that," he answered roughly. "I just said that you were."_

_"What's the difference?"_

_"I have no idea," Chuck groaned into her mouth again._

Chuck didn't realize that the rain wasn't still pouring down onto him until he looked over and saw Thomasina, covering him with her umbrella. Loyally.

He didn't say anything. Words would come later. And he certainly didn't allude her to the deadly emotion that was brewing inside.

* * *

"Do you have any idea what it will take to cover this up?" his advisor spat. Chuck remainded silent. "To appear at that whore's funeral--"

"Shut up."

The advisor looked up at him in surprise.

"Her name was Blair," Chuck said, trying to reign in his anger. Protocol called for him to tear this guy's head off. But that was the point. He knew that she would be the death of him, but it seems that it was the other way around. He never wanted to love her. Everyone he loved went and died on him. And it was happening again.

"Why does it matter?" he asked acidly. "She was trying to destroy you.

"She was _trying_ to save me," Chuck said.

"I wasn't aware that your life was in danger."

"Save me from _me_," Chuck reiterated. "All she did was love me and I hurt her the most. She's dead because of me."

"You said you didn't know her," he said darkly.

"I lied," he responded. "She's everything. She loved me. And I loved her. More than anything."

"This will not do," he said, pondering. "You did not love her. She would destroy everything. Do you know what would happen if someone... like _that_ entered your life?"

"Like what?" Chuck asked dangerously. "Beautiful? Witty? Charming? Smart? She was me. And I loved her. _I loved her_."

"No," was the angry reply. "Just... no."

"I cut her out of my heart," Chuck said with melancholy. "That was what my father would have wanted so I did it. She never would have hurt me. She actually _cared_, and yet I listened to you and I destroyed her. And now the only person who truly saw me and loved me is dead."

"Good. Now you won't be distracted."

"_No_," Chuck finally said. He could finally say it. "No. This is who I am."

And he walked out of the room.

* * *

He heard the door opening and he knew it was her.

"When I am fully in power," Chuck said, not turning from the window to greet her, "and am completely in charge of this business, I will do everything in my power to reinstate the guilloutine."

He turned to greet Thomasina. She didn't react to his always pompous arrogance. So like a Bass.

"Just for you, Thomasina."

"That's not surprising," she replied. "Just like your father."

Chuck flinched.

"I served him like I serve you. I wouldn't surprise me that I would lose my life doing it."

Chuck rolled his eyes at the sentiment. Nothing really made sense anymore. Or mattered. She was playing his little make believe game. She wanted to die? Fine. There was enough of that going around anyway.

"I'd thought you'd want this," she said, handing over the letter. "I got it from him before he could burn it."

"Why would I want this?" Chuck sneered.

"Because unlike your so called advisor, its pretty obvious to me this wasn't some scheme."

"That's enough," Chuck cut in. "I don't want to hear it."

"Very well," she said. She turned to leave. "I knew, you know. About her. And with her at your side, you could have done anything. She wouldn't have brought the company down."

Chuck didn't want to hear it. He already knew it was true. And he was stupid becoming a sheep.

He never would have let himself break down. He didn't cry at his father's funeral or his wake. He didn't cry when he found out about the accident or at the hospital. But he did cry. Once. And he did so with her arms wrapped around him. Like it should be. Forever.


End file.
